Somebody said about New York: “it’s rad but don’t come here unless you have a purpose”.
I always thought my home to be there. I have it in mind everymorning I’m walking. I’m walking upper west side. I’m walking Gramercy. I’m doing nothing at Bryant park.
One day I shall be home.
One can only fall in and out of love too many times, to be numb out of it. Especially with unrequited ones. You just numb yourself until the feeling eventually gone.
Sorry but I don’t know where else to write it except this tiny hidden place buried in the vast web of net.
Maybe I need to hide this kind of post someday when I get famous or something. Haha.
thoughts, especially such of inspirations, never knock the door when they come. Suddenly they are in the corner of your mind’s living room (or bed room. Or garden.), smiling at the corner to you, talking to you at length, captivate you.
You want her to be there to stay longer. She never stays for dinner. Sometimes you’re lucky enough to hold her for tea, but that’s it. One sip and she will politely decline to go. Leave you alone wanting more
Then the moment she is gone, if you don’t fast perserving the existence she left, they will all vanish too off your mind. Not long after that, you can only recalls vaguely, day by day more vague, that there is this one time inspiration drops by to your mind.
Like now, she is about gone from my mind. Freeze my hand, ending it here.
Falling in love is toxic, and when it’s one sided, it bleeds you. Bleed you so bad you feel your pulse and there’s nothing.
Currently I am digging through the investing world. My degree was in Finance, but not until now, the passion only bloom. Never mind to be a late bloomer though. it’s un-mainstream *cough*.
I even have decided on my investing principle: I am a fundamentalist. In the future I want to invest in the companies that really hold values and do good work. I think as long as you stay true to your goal and do what is correct, shouldn’t it brings you to growth?
But first, I am building it from the very bottom: my everyday habit. Things got to change for good. Early rise? yes. Manage spaces and time orderly? yes. Take good care of myself through positive habits? definitely.
I also have a name in mind for few days already. I want it to be the dot com name for future personal site. I think this is the one.
Just a quick thought:
Don’t you think, everybody must at some point has their darkest point in life? Dark matters that once closed, ought not to be shared or talked about. It’s just people are having it at each different point in their life. I had mine early, and made peace about it.
It feels like eternity
as our fingers slip away the grip
preparing for another distance
that is wider than any valley
it feels like eternity.
Mine is grey. I know it when I was about 10 or 11, when an aunt bought me pair of T-Shirts, very plain and basic, Japanese kind of simplicity.
One was white with black and grey collar. The other one is simply grey. I love it when I saw the later. This is my color, I thought.
(btw the shirt looked like this:)
I never look back since then.
For me Grey is not noticeable, but powerful at times when it needs to be. Disappear at the background when not needed. That kind of personality
I like reading and I like writing. But if I have to choose, I will read. It’s great. I read like a hungry being. Swallowed up everything. Just read. Writing is another thing.
It is easier to read. Writing includes thinking, editing yourself, and not forgetting, the set up. Setting up stationary, setting up laptop.., while reading,is so much easier. Pop a book. Charge the Kindle. then curl up a good couch and swallow it all. I mean. Read it all.
But writing can be more satisfying (as it is frustrating) because it gives you output. It redempts you. It’s as if something tangible comes out straight of your mind.
I came up with that excuses above for not writing more, while I walked back home. I was asking myself constantly: Why are you not writing more? What are you waiting for? what holds you bac? how do you use the time?
by the way I read a lot of Penelope Trunk today. like, a lot.
Ok I’m now off to construct some well-structured reasoning for tomorrow’s need.
I like it when I have mental struggle. Especially good vs bad. For example, now I’m fighting my idleness and laziness with the thought, you are never better than your work! Complete it today!
That way I feel that I’m growing. The better part in me. Schmilee.
